The Practice of Belonging to Yourself: Why Ritual Matters More Than Ever

On Saturday mornings, my favourite ritual unfolds slowly.

Saturday Jazz drifts from RTRFM—the best local radio station in the world—as pancakes sizzle in the pan, their smell instantly pulling me back to childhood mornings. I always flip my pancakes for luck, a little ritual I can’t break. My Pomeranian, Nicki Prince, hovers nearby, eyes fixed on me with hopeful anticipation of a stray morsel. On the bench, a virgin Bloody Mary waits—spiked with extra Tabasco and completed with a crisp stalk of celery (I really don’t like celery but for some reason, on a Saturday, I do).

As I drizzle the lemon and the sprinkle sugar, I look out over the Derbal Yerrigan (Swan River) towards Karrgatup (Kings Park) and then towards the city—slowly becoming my city again—taking in the morning light, the wildness of the wind and water, the way the city feels different on a Saturday. I watch the ferries come and go and wonder about the people on them—their stories, their conversations, where they’re headed, what kind of mornings they are having.

It’s sensory and grounding—music, taste, sight, movement, curiosity—all weaving together to remind me I am at home in myself, my space, on my river in my city. Sometimes I’m elated heart full of possibilities. Other times, I cry. This morning, I held Nicki in my arms and wept over the news that a dear friend’s dog had died. No matter my emotional state, this ritual holds me. It’s my anchor—a practice of self-belonging.

Self-belonging and self-responsibility

Belonging to yourself isn’t just about comfort or self-soothing. It is an act of self-responsibility.

Self-belonging means taking ownership of your inner world—your values, your emotions, and your well-being. It asks us to create the conditions in which we can flourish, rather than waiting for someone else to provide them.

Without this self-responsibility, we risk drifting through life constantly reacting to external pressures—drama, deadlines, other people’s expectations—without ever cultivating the inner stability we need to meet the world on our own terms.

Philosophical health (de Miranda, 2020) describes flourishing as a state where our thoughts, words, and actions are in meaningful alignment. This coherence doesn’t happen by accident; it requires deliberate practice. Rituals become the scaffolding that supports that alignment—small, intentional acts that remind us of who we are and what we stand for.

Why rituals work

Rituals aren’t just habits. They’re deliberate, symbolic acts that anchor us to meaning (Norton & Gino, 2014). Unlike habits, which are practical, rituals have emotional weight. They help regulate our nervous systems, reduce anxiety, and increase feelings of control and significance in a chaotic world (Hobson et al., 2018).

When rituals engage multiple senses—taste, sight, sound, touch—they stimulate neurochemicals like dopamine and serotonin, enhancing mood and motivation (Richardson et al., 2022).

For me, my Saturday ritual combines music, food, and movement, grounding me in a way that feels timeless. I’m not just “making breakfast”—I’m reaffirming that I am here, I matter, and this is my life to live with intention.

Belonging starts with you

We often talk about belonging in the context of community, workplaces, or society. But true belonging starts with the self.

When we build rituals that help us feel at home in our own skin, we’re better able to connect with others authentically. We stop outsourcing our sense of worth to external validation and start living from a place of grounded presence.

Self-belonging is also the first step in self-leadership. If we can’t lead ourselves—caring for our own needs, emotions, and values—it becomes harder to lead or truly belong with others.

Why now?

Post-pandemic, in an age shaped by AI and relentless connectivity, many of us are lonelier than ever—even while constantly “connected.” There’s a quiet crisis of disconnection, especially among young people, who report record levels of anxiety and a lack of meaningful belonging (Pei & Zaki, 2025).

The risk of simulated belonging through AI companions or digital distractions is real. These tools may provide comfort, but they cannot replicate the reciprocity, embodiment, and unpredictability of real human connection. Self-belonging becomes even more vital in this context.

My Saturday ritual as a case study

Every sensory detail matters. The crackle of pancakes. The jazz rhythms. The sharpness of lemon on my tongue. The sight of boats moving across the water, each carrying its own untold story. These are not just pleasant moments; they are threads of coherence.

I’m not just “doing breakfast.” I’m practicing presence. I’m building continuity between past (childhood memories of pancakes), present (the smells, sights, sounds of my home), and future (wondering about the stories unfolding on those boats).

Sometimes I feel light and joyful. Sometimes, as today, I cry. But every time, I feel deeply at home—in myself, my home, and my city.

What does self-responsibility look like in practice?

Self-responsibility for belonging means:

• Choosing intentional rituals that align with your values.

• Making space for your inner world, not just your outer responsibilities.

• Honouring your emotions—allowing joy, grief, and everything in between to be felt without judgement.

It’s not about perfection or constant happiness. It’s about building a life that feels coherent and meaningful—one intentional act at a time.

References

de Miranda, L. (2020) Being and Neon: Philosophical Health in the Digital Age. Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press.

Hobson, N.M., Schroeder, J., Risen, J.L., Xygalatas, D. and Inzlicht, M. (2018) ‘The psychology of rituals: An integrative review and process-based framework’, Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22(3), pp. 260–284.

Norton, M.I. and Gino, F. (2014) ‘Rituals alleviate grieving for loved ones, lovers, and lotteries’, Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(1), pp. 266–272.

Pei, R. and Zaki, J. (2025) ‘Connecting with others: How social connections improve the happiness of young adults’, World Happiness Report 2025, Chapter 5.

Richardson, M., Passmore, H.-A., Lumber, R., Thomas, R. and Hunt, A. (2022) ‘Nature connectedness and wellbeing: A systematic review’, Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 824924.